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|| Thursday, February 05, 2004 || || 10:21 pm ||

The Fear Of Losing You...

You know when you find this person - they mean the whole world to you. You yearn to see their face early in the morning. The very first thing you want to see is their face when you get up. When you wake up, you love it when the first message received is by that someone. His/Her voice is the last you want to hear before heading to bed. And you can just be on the phone with him/her even when you have nothing to speak about - when a silence is born the sweetness seen. When every single gift matters. And sometimes the sweet wrapper you still would love to keep. The tiny notes they pass is kept and read more than a million times. This someone...so special.

But there is this fear...

This fear that constantly lives in your heart when you find someone that you can closely relate to, someone that you wish to spend your everyday with and someone whom you love. This fear of losing this special person. It sets in very early in the days and haunts you right through the journey.

And when this fear sets in to your heart about losing this person, it makes you accumulate negative thoughts. Day by day it kills you and the thoughts just worsen over time. As you get closer with this special person you feel that you are going to lose this person soon. It is a weird unexplained feeling.

I do not know. But this fear... I have it too. I am afraid I may lose you. I do not want to. I hate to. But then again what if I am compelled to lose you? To let you go because I need to? What if this was meant to be only in our eyes not in the eyes of the rest and so the whole world is working against us? This journey what if one day it has to end and we only have memories to live with? What if the people we really loved all our lives are against us? What if I lose you too early?

I know everyone says that you should live for this moment and this moment only. That this moments should be cherished and that the tomorrows shouldn't be thought of. The future we should leave it for it to come. But that's the thing. I want the future to be spent with you. And thus I am thinking about it today. All the todays mould your tomorrows...

But will I lose you? Everything is so perfect now... It is just the fear of losing you right now and anytime in the future…I do not want to let you slip off my hands... instead I want to hold you longer even if it hurts...even if it bleeds... even if it kills.

But tomorrow no one knows... So if I have to go...If I have to let you go...

Then please know that

I loved you then... when you were in my arms
I love you now... when I let you slip off my hands
I love you forever... when I am dying to hold you close

For now I pray that I will never lose you... ever. I don't want to. Because I love you.

__________-HER-__________

 

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"Some people plant in the spring,
And leave in the summer.
If you're signed up for a season, see it through.
You don't have to stay forever,
but at least stay until you see it through."
~ Jim Rohn
 
From Priya's entry dated 6 November 2005- suits us perfectly.
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