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|| Sunday, June 13, 2004 || || 11:57 pm ||

The Known Unknown

We have finally received the answer for the most important question in our life - that which we did not expect. Actually we expected it in certain ways, as in we had our doubts but you know we just eliminate it away. Or maybe it is just me, I eliminated it, after all I am Queen of Hopes. Basically, I kinda expected that at least God would be ok. But then again He told us no... We got our answer! I mean every tiny thing of hope has been shattered.

He said, "It's wrong"

So now what are we suppose to do? No 1: Leave... No 2: Stay... If we leave, the darkest days will begin and the joy of the past will soon become hurting memories. If we stay, the amazing days will begin but the guilt of God will drive us nuts...

I don't know. Am scared...

Everything is now known... but we are denying it. Why are we denying it? Don't ask. Maybe we are afraid of letting go of the joy... I mean how can we let it go when everything that is wrong seems so right... Suddenly the word 'right' has lost its meaning. It's like being wrapped around the world of terrible mistakes.

And now we shall pretend to feel unknown... like walking around being blindfolded. We don't want to hear or see anything.

I know its out for alot of things... I mean I can list like over 20 things that we have to sacrifice in the future... But why God? I can't let that go... And I know she can't neither.

But He has already spoken in His own special ways...to let it go... to let all these care go... to let the memories go... to let each other's hand go... to let the love go...

Still I pray... Still I hope... Still I believe...

For a little change... just some acceptance... after all it is love.

This is the second time I have reached out for Him again. The first time - I just felt that I can't be a person He wants me to be...maybe I was scared that I could not do this right... so i let His hands go. Then He came back with His outstretched arms... and I held Him again. So much love... I could cry! But now... I feel that He is slipping away from me... the second time.

After all these... I still have faith...I am not or rather never letting Him go anywhere again! He can leave me... He can say He doesn't want me... But I am holding on...waiting for Him to see us with the love He drew...

As I pray for God's acceptance... Still I love

Let this only wrong be right... As we continue to love and live the known as unknown...


__________-HER-__________