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Friday, July 02, 2004
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I'm Tired Of Thinking...
Let's just say...for the first time in my life I am tired of thinking! I see several pairs of eyes staring in disbelief...but its true...I am really so tired of thinking...
All these years, my thoughts have been driving me wild. Some have been haunting even... But lately, I realized how tired I have grown of just thinking, thinking and thinking.
On top of that... I drown myself in so much sadness and fear. This two feelings that I still cannot separate...*sigh* But I know my thoughts will return...its plain unavoidable. For those who think that I have a choice... to control my thoughts - I am still finding my way... so yes roll your eyes! Hehe
Well... I think I have reached a certain point in my mind that is so saturated I do not want to aggravate the situation by thinking further. It not only tires me mentally but physically too... Cuz I can just sit down for 4 to 5 hours thinking and eroding myself with disappointment traced with horror.
Ever since school started, I have not been thinking so much as I was in the holidays. That is because I have just decided to ignore them - to not feed them at all... but I know that when the thoughts get hungry again, I would begin to think once again...Plus with all the school stuffs around, it is kinda easy to neglect it for now.
Actually it isn't just the thoughts I have been neglecting... hmmm You know its just like I am happy with what I am now, with what I have now, with whom I am with now, with where I am now, with who I am now... So I just neglect whatever that is going to tear me down...
I mean after all...why should I bother with those things that are going to pull me down? There isn’t much time left here...so why make yourself and your loved ones sad?
If things should really change, then they would change on their own... with the help of the Time, Destiny and God... For now, this is what Time, Destiny and God has given me... Or at least this is what I have chosen... If anything has to change, it will. But if nothing can change, it continues. I still have the faith and the hopes...
This feels like it's a voluntary Thinking Block...haha. Till I find my way back to my thoughts again... I shall stay stripped here without my thoughts but with some elation for the moment...
P.S: This is totally on impulse... But no regrets at all! :-)
Someone tell me...Why do I keep hoping so much? Why do I still feel that everything would go ok? Am I just in denial... not able to accept what's really there...?
__________-HER-__________
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"Some
people plant in the spring,
And
leave in the summer.
If
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least stay until you see it through."
~
Jim Rohn
From Priya's entry dated 6 November 2005- suits us
perfectly.
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