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|| Saturday, September 11, 2004 || || 9:40 pm ||

I am officially haunted by Edward, that character in a particular story that was read to me recently...

I stand before the priest who is waiting for me to say 'I Do' so that the wedding ceremony (totally forced by my parents) between me and the 'some' him could continue when I and the bridesmaid are technically so much in love?

What in the freaking hell shall I do?

I have to make my parents who gave me such a deprived childhood Happiness! And I am compelled. How will my parents face my relatives if i say no...? Why the hell didnt I just say no earlier? BUT I never had the chance.. I told them so much = how unwilling I was! But NO I cant say that I was in LOVE with a girl... why can't I? Why can't I share the sweet joys I have with her? Pls..that's because I are an homosexual and hell I do know that my parents wun fu*king allow that. Then how? say I do? Make my parents happy and learn to love a man....and that woman who loves me? what the fu*k...am i gonna juz freaking leave her behind? let her hang loose? i dun have a choice... do i? i love her so much... is there a way out? kill him! that guy u were suppose to get married to ... kill him.stab him like wat u have planned! kill him now.... but even if i do that i cannot get to stay with her..i wld probably be jailed.. so I dun wan to kill him now? then poison her n myself....die happily what? i want to live with her.. why? why cant i live with she whom i love and loves me in return? why isnt there an acceptance to homosexuality? there isnt idiot! trust me! its either I die or let her go.. nothing else..

And the crowd waited patiently for my answer....In the eyes of the man I am going to marry some sort of uncertainty as I keep staring at my bridesmaid. Her lips silently said that she will be alright but her eyes read her heart... I took a glance at my parents. They were staring at me... the priest somehow knew that i am not ready for this marriage... and then I see the cross... Waiting for me to decide..

I took a deep breath...I feel trapped. Slapped with the pain of love.. I see her for one last time as the woman I love. I told myself that I have to do this for my parents... for her parents... for them. I don't know. She looked back at me...and told me, "You're beautiful"

I held my red gown and ran out of the church...that was the only think I knew I could do.... I ran as far as I could ... away from the church.... away from my parents... away from the relatives... away from my friends... away from her... away away far away... I ran all the way...

Until until until....

I saw the bridesmaid....at the same place where our journey started with her arms wide open waiting for me to fall on her arms once again..

And I did...

I love her

I'm glad that I ran away... I'm glad...

But will we be glad if we leave everything behind just for the relationship?

__________-HER-__________

 

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"Some people plant in the spring,
And leave in the summer.
If you're signed up for a season, see it through.
You don't have to stay forever,
but at least stay until you see it through."
~ Jim Rohn
 
From Priya's entry dated 6 November 2005- suits us perfectly.
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