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Wednesday, December 29, 2004
|| || 10:28 am ||
As The Year Ends - 2004
Yet another year ending. How fast can Time fly. The fear of what the following year would bring sets in, just like how I feel at the end of every year.
2004 was a year filled with discoveries. WOW! 2004 has transformed me into a whole new different person and I don't care if people like this new me so yea live with it. Actually its more like some old part of me has been suddenly found and people didnt really know about this earlier. And when this part of me blooms again, they find me different.. but its was just the undiscovered me.. *confused now* hehe
am beginning to appreciate life. really. Beginning to see the joy in the clear blue sky, the hopes portrayed by a rainbow after a rain, the determination of someone lesser off than me, the love of God and every single thing suddenly takes on a new meaning. I don't know but call it strange if you want to.
God. Can proudly declare that I found Him after desperate years of search. There is so much I feel about God now, I only wish i could share it with my family. Its difficult and like she said its better to shut my mouth on certain joys.. Ever since 120404, I feel more closer to God and its a whole new spiritual experience I cant explain in words. All I know now is that I have lots to build up on my spiritual aspect and am willing to walk through it all...:) its amazing..
Joy. What can I say about her? It was scary finding her again this year...after all these years. But yet some joy. There is lots more about her I know. I don't know if I should ask. Or is it better to leave the unrevealed locked? And its difficult to explain it to anyone cuz it is just difficult to understand Joy and Me..ARGHHH! I miss her and because I don't keep in touch with her often she appears at the wrong times.. I do know that part of her influence is taking over me for this few months.. But finding Joy again, the discovery itself, was something I wldn't want to experience again...or maybe I just meant that I don't want to lose her again.
Special. Life has changed since she held my hands. There is so much of things I learnt from her - 1. PATIENCE!! I am truly alot more patient than before..in fact that word never existed in my dictionary..gosh and I learnt 2. abt God, 3. abt my emotions and thoughts on how to control them..4.how to deal with my problems at home, 5. abt Joy, 6. abt smiling truthfully...that was lesson no #1 actually, 7. abt something-else-I-am-not-going-to-say-what-here-cuz-erm-am-shy *blush blush*, 8. abt FOOD!!!..I learnt to eat hot dogs which I hated my entire life and sushi which I still hate, abt strawberries dipped in chocolate/ whip cream (WOO!), abt marshiemellows, abt who-knows-what-else-we-pigged-out, 9. abt the love that exists in a family, 10. abt the efforts to take to save a friendship, 11. abt so-so-so-many-many-other-things-la! there is so much that we shared and I pray there will be more to come..
Family. Certain things may have brought us closer. We had little special moments that I wld treasure.. like the pre-Dad/Sis Birthday Celebrations which was such a wonderful experience until I screwed it up on that very day..*sigh* then Xmas which was so nice!! I really enjoyed that day..juz had to control my tears from falling on that very day..n sitting down together to open all the prezzies! it was nice.. perhaps the coming yr wld bring abt more of such things..
Friends. I don't know..graduation and all..abt 12 weeks more for school to end or sth like that. hmm..am scared.
Me. I am happy that I am alive. Today, I like what I see in the mirror.I have changed so much... I do know that some of the changes in my life may not please everyone..
2005 - Another year ends swiftly. There is a new beginning to look forward to. New dates will be remembered. New memories filled. Am NOT looking forward to 1. Graduation 2. Working 3. Being 20.. Am looking forward to 1. New & better changes at home 2. A more complete Me 3. Moving closer to Him 4. Growing with her 5. Stronger friendships 6. Thinking lesser..
tata 2004..
__________-HER-__________
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Friday, December 24, 2004
|| || 9:40 am ||
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Merry Christmas to All!!! Hehe I so excited..!!
LESSONS LEARNT WITH RGRDS TO XMAS
1. Never ask anyone what they want for Christmas cuz they will give you a list of what they do not want and make it more tough for you to get them something.
2. Never go shopping on the week of Christmas.
3. Never go shopping without knowing what you want to get for your loved ones. It feels horrible walking down all the shops looking for the 'best-est' gift for the person(s) you love but yet you can't find one!! ARGHHHHhhhh
4. If you have decided to go shopping after work, leave your home with 'flat-ies'. And if its compulsory for you to wear heels/formal wear to work, take the day off!
5. Go Xmas shopping alone. So that you don't get delayed or hurried... my duckie ah wa lao everytime must hurry me then I always panic...
hmm... so fun! damn exciting..getting the gifts..receiving the gifts..n the best part is am celebrating it with my family as well!!! hehe..we used to celebrate Xmas sometime back with all my relatives at my place and all, then the last 2 years we didnt cuz of some unforeseen circumstances then this yr we celebrating it again as a family - my dad, mum, sis and her bf only la..but still nice! the only wish i have is that I cld invite my duckie along to my place then it could be one complete family.. but...*sigh* darling: pls break thr the walls and make it thr okay? i hope it happens this jan.. i hope there will be a path.. then we don't have to worry anymore.. so yea.. am looking forward to opening presents, spending some time with my family & of course the glorious food!! hehe
SIP
My supervisor's secretary keeps tellin me *among many other things* that she will miss me so much this jan..and now i think its true am gonna really miss them! the people here are horribly nice..and of course I will miss the awesome cookies at the pantry..I will prolly have the 'lack of tea effects' when school starts.. luckily it wasnt coffee..I used to be so hooked to it and now i cant stand the smell of coffee..muz be Sally - 24/7 drinking coffee! waah i going to miss the place..no actually not the place I will miss the people! sigh..another 4 more days.. ALERT ALERT: for those who are unaware..my last day is thurs..fri A&G is closed! hehe *WinkZ*
I have grown thr alot of things thr work.. and the greatest lesson is abt treasuring each moment spent with your loved one(s)..cuz it is like really freaking NO TIME! so yea..guess I really learnt to cherish the little time I had with my duckie.. hmmmm
SEPARATION ANXIETY
i hate it! I hate it! I hate it! and its pounding into my head every now and then.. waaahh i dont want to leave school! I dont know how i wld be able to stand the wrkg world.. aiyah! am gna miss my friends.. and its never the same as being in school and spending time together regardless of all the 'keep in touch's and 'oh there is always msn'.. its never the same...admit it or not its true..
was reading some of my secondary school fren's e-mails yea i still keep them..you know the surveys n the letters.. yea its extremely depressing..that things have changed so much..like we hardly meet nowadays basically because of our own schedules.. so yea..its so difficult and everything is not the same anymore. its like they have changed so much and i am not even ther to see them grow..sigh
haha i met one of them recently at one of the xmas performances at orchard...and it was so nice to see him again! the memories starting flowing into my mind since then.. i miss them so much!
i hope i really dont lose touch with my seasons n other poly ppl.. hmm guess its a two way thing.. like you know both parties has to take the effort to keep in touch..
oh yea! n I got a Xmas card from one of my long lost primary school fren!!! ARGHH so nice!! but then ah that woman forget to leave her address or her no..then how to reply? TOOT sia..grr
Merry Christmas to all again! hehe i cant wait for later!
Next Entry --> As The Year Ends - 2004...
__________-HER-__________
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Friday, December 17, 2004
|| || 2:31 pm ||
Preyed
The caress of his hands
On her soft breasts
She shut her eyes
Cherishing the moment
While he smiles
At yet another prey
and then,
A stab of touch
Fear that clutch
Into the deep soul
A heartbeat stole
By the stab of touch
Anger illuminates soon
As the warmth pierces
Jails the body
Constant eruption of pain
Through this touch
Darkening through the night
As the moonlight
Puts more fear within
As the soul cringes
Through the stab of touch
and now,
She stay darkened
Her voice echoed within the room
Looking outside her windows
She fears the love of touch
And shuns away hugs and kisses
while
He quenches his thirst
On another's body...
__________-HER-__________
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Thursday, December 02, 2004
|| || 11:38 pm ||
Colours Of My Rainbow
Is the colours of my rainbow fading away?
I rather be blind
Than to witness the joy dying off...
I believe in miracles...
Dreaming of the tomorrows
One day this rainbow will descend
And be the blanket through my nights...
I fear that someone will erase
The colours of my rainbow
I am missing my rainbow
Even when it stands tall above me right now
Like as though Time is stealing my rainbow
Like as though the rainbow can stay only for some time
I don't know...
There is so much fear within the joy...
What comes next?
I see the fear in your eyes
I wish I would kiss it all away
But I can give no assurance
I wish I am directing our lives
I wish I can just make decisions for us
But I know I will never be able to
I fear the Almighty
What will He do?
Yet you can hope, you can smile
You can make me so happy
Despite all the fears and the denials
Loving, hoping and praying
Fearing...
Can I paint over if the colours of the rainbow fade?
I can beg continuously
I can starve for as many days as I can
I can climb mountains all day
I can do anything
Just to be able to paint over the rainbow
If its colours fade
Will you allow me to?
After the 9 years
I am willing to do anything
To have my rainbow brilliantly coloured
And if just in case
Something happens to me or
If it is really impossible
Then I will leave
Leaving the rainbow painted
So that someone else could rejoice in it
The way I once did
I look up to the sky
Yes
My rainbow is there
Now brilliantly coloured
With love...
I am down here
With so much of paint in my hands
Just in case
Am fearing
I will not let go of the rainbow
If it loves me...
Yet I cry
Fearing
With smiles of love...
Yes?
We are crazy
We are wrong
Can we fly?
And then hide?
Shall we run?
And never cry?
Staring eyes
Fearing thoughts
I love her
She loves me
Do we belong?
When its wrong?
Wiping tears
Loving smiles
Just say 'Yes'
And I'll go
Find a place
Take you there
We will run
Some where far
Away from all
Far far away...
__________-HER-__________
|
|
"Some
people plant in the spring,
And
leave in the summer.
If
you're signed up for a season, see it through.
You
don't have to stay forever,
but at
least stay until you see it through."
~
Jim Rohn
From Priya's entry dated 6 November 2005- suits us
perfectly.
!SPRING!
!AUTUMN!
!WINTER!
Azizah
Edleweiss
Haider
Hana
Hazelyn
Izad
Jessica
Kabetha
Latha
Lavan
Naresh
Sashi
Shelby
Soffie
Tania
Teddy
Vithya
Yi Qian
Blogger
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Image
Forgettheflowers
mr.photoshop
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