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Friday, July 29, 2005
|| || 10:00 pm ||
ME....
I've been having some dreams about my father lately, actually one for every night. And in all, my Dad expresses that he isnt dead or that he is not aware of his death. In short, he thinks that he is still alive and that the rest of us are neglecting him.
*sigh*
But somehow the dreams aid me to carry on with my life. I do feel his presence or rather I claim that he is present. Perhaps that is my way of coping with such a loss.
I guess I choose to see my Dad everywhere... in the photographs, his clothes, his writings, his books, his pillows and etc... In that way, I feel like he is still around or something... And I get to see him every single night or so in my dreams, so I'm considered pretty lucky.
I don't cry as often as I used to or as much as I thought I would. I don't cry. And I always thought that tears symbolizes me but not anymore.
Neither do I smile as often as I used to or as much as I thought I would. I can't. But I can pretend.
*smileZ*
I think I finally learnt to pick myself up and walk on. Really. I hate myself for all the things that I put myself through and yea, its time for me to move on. I guess bitter sweet memories will stay with me, they become part of me... but there is so much that I've been through in the past, have grown from it and moved on... so I should be able to do this again. After all, this is going to happen a number of times in my life again...so yea.
It's sad but the reality is at the end of it all, you stand alone. I mean you can have a loved one or a best friend, but its for you to walk on... no matter what you stand alone...me, myself and I
I lost my belief in certain things. I have regained my belief in some things I have lost before. All those things that I am not going to say here or to anyone...
I feel like I am somehow a changed person. I mean I may not look changed on first glance but yea different. Refreshed? Renewed? Relieved? I don't know what is the perfect word.... but yea, different.
August is just around the corner...August itself holds some memories...5th is my mummy's bday... 8th, 9th, 15th, 21st.... hmmmm August. I hate the fact that I can remember dates so well. I cant seem to forget dates and with that the day's events will come flooding in my mind... haha.
as each minute passes
I'm flying
further and further away from you
willingly - the way it should be
dont seek me anymore
let me fly, please
the further my distance
the more I miss you
but let it be, let it be
__________-HER-__________
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Saturday, July 23, 2005
|| || 1:20 am ||
Memories
For every object we cast away, For every friend we lose sight of, For every moment in time we can't recoup, And for every place that's no longer what it used to be, We receive in exchange a wealth of keepsake impressions. How strange - no one can ever take away what is no longer ours. It's a paradox. In order to keep everything, We have to be willing To let go of it all -Author Unknown- Indeed, how strange. To hold memories within our hearts And not being able to feel the same way As we once did, that moment Which we may have not cherished Passed away, now a memory created Sometime locked in a diary Or camouflaged in the stanzas of a poem And the yearning for the memory To reform into reality appears once again When the written words are read after a long time... And yes, the irony of it all No one can take away these That is no longer ours To close chapters in life Would simply mean opening new chapters on memories However, not as simple as it sounds But accepting the closure and moving on Is yet another thing altogether Life is filled with endings and beginnings If things are not allowed to end There would not be any beginnings But its more often the beginnings that we do not want That make the endings so difficult How easy it is today to pretend to smile? How easy it is today to tell someone that 'I'm doing fine'? How easy it is today to deny the feelings and walk on? How easy it is today to lie that the tear is one filled with joy? How easy it is today to be so close to the one you love yet far apart? The worst feeling in the entire world That beats the feeling of being in love, And not being loved in return Is the feeling of missing someone Who is no longer yours and will never be Its like telling yourself that you are fine, You are moving on, you are sort of happy in a way And then some quote; some TV show; someone in the streets; Some place; some food; some song Reminds you of the person And you are back to square one again Just when you look away This person comes back and say "I miss you too" And leave you all confused For some other, if only at least that happens Perhaps they could find their paths To the right way to smile once again Am I lucky in that sense? Or am I more miserable? Part of a poem, Fireworks, I wrote sometime ago:
I shut my eyes to reflect
The beauty of the fireworks at the back
With her smiles that surrounds
The dark sky nowhere found
- 20th January 2004-
Maybe you will never see the Autumn season again... but wait that would risk the season of Winter as well... no these two seasons will not be gone forever, they were previously stolen and now returned without their hearts in place...they are just lost in the mean time... Basically they preferred to be stolen than returned without their hearts... There is still hope.. 2 souls could actually help...
__________-HER-__________
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
|| || 11:42 pm ||
In Just A Few Lines
Waves, the mystery of the melody they play remains, mesmerized in it is Spring's destiny. Going through the obstacles and the negativity that waves could bring, Spring is surrounded with sweet assurances and cute laughters. Its joy that never fails to multiply to the rest will always keep Spring's destiny a little more mysterious...
Stars, placed in the unreachable sky high above, like embarking on a journey filled with Summer's dreams. When Summer has lost its way, the stars become an illusion of permanence for its woven dream. The further the stars seem for Summer, the harder it becomes to conquer its quest. But every single star on the sky become a source of hope...
Rhymes, the perfect syncronization of words, which the Autumn's delirium has wiped them all off. The confusion that blows away the leaves of Autumn, messed up by its own delirium. What Autumn needs to now seek is to perfect the words of the poetry, if it could. But its madness is going wild and the smiles work no more...
Roses, so often used as an emblem of love, its petals now used to path Winter's desires. Everyone knows that Winter will never burn, but with desires so deep, it wishes for every single flake to now burn. The soft rose petals are being blown to another side - Winter's future undetermined. The thorns of the roses prick - Winter's words unspoken...
To my Seasons,
Spring, cherish the treasure you have received...
Summer, paint your way through life's obstacles...
Winter, express your suppressions out...
__________-HER-__________
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Monday, July 11, 2005
|| || 1:04 am ||
Words From My Mind Some things enter our lives slowly,
BUT
all things will eventually leave us
Some things tear our hearts so badly,
BUT
all things will bring us a moment of joy
Some things give us a perfect memory for the years to live on,
BUT
all things will change and strengthened us for the rest of our lives==================
Today I am who I am because of what all the yesterdays gave me and what I will be tomorrow won't really matter, but I have a choice of starting to craft me today or just leaving it to what it will eventually bring. This choice that I have to make now before it becomes tomorrow...
================== Boredom is often the access to engraving oneself into the depths of thinking that more often does not equip the human heart with happiness but rather into lost hopes and sadness, and thus we complain the miseries of boredom================== I realized that I do the best things when I am caught in the web of impulsiveness. The sudden chaos of fallen thoughts controlling my every single action for some reason places no room for any form of regret. I feel the highest when I am feeling impulsive. Something like being crazy in love... but wait that comes with a whole set of other emotions too...================== Love, no it doesn't conquer all.
It makes you believe and gives you hopes
And suddenly when you caught in the depths of Love
Love takes it all away,
Including you.
==================
__________-HER-__________
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Monday, July 04, 2005
|| || 5:25 pm ||
Wherever he is, your Papa is looking at you...Your anger...your sorrow.He's watching everything. And perhaps he's crying with you too.Now you can't wipe his tears from here,But you can stop them by smiling and laughing- Kal Ho Naa Ho-
On a totally different note to the above quote (although I do very well agree to the previous post by Sharita) let's talk about (while I stuff myself with Ferror Rochers)...
The Limitations of the Law(ok, I am not talking about the limitations of the law diploma...although it sure has!!)
I have been keeping up with the recent murder case of the supervisor who committed a gruesome murder of cutting up the parts of his female China employer and disposing it everywhere. Her relatives were so distraught to even come down to Singapore to perform the funeral that some guy who has been performing funeral rites for people who die without any next of kin volunteered to perform the rites for her and sent her off. He even decided to make a pair of fake feet for her as they have been still not found by the police.
By the way, the murderer happens to be my aunt's supervisor as well and she is quite disturbed by the incident. Well back to the topic, so I was thinking, even if this guy decides to plead guilty, admit his mistake and mention his reasons for murdering her, according to the law, he will be hanged. After he is sentenced, he stays a while in the jail, gets some good edible food and one fateful morning wakes up, dresses up, walks a long way to 'THE PLACE', probably shows a big grin, covers his face with a black cloth and before he knows it...he will be pushed and woo! dead...
That's all. For all that the victim has suffered the murderer suffers not even 1% of it. Why can't the law have stiffer punishment for such criminals? How about having some leeches to suck his blood to death? Or whipping him till his skin peels and he starts bleeding to death? How about burying him alive with ice? Or providing him with the same service...cutting him into pieces?
Don't you think the Law holds too much of limitations to such gruesome murderers? Maybe the law should be harsher to such criminals. But then again, the criminal still gets to die... the process may not matter. But doesnt he have to also feel what the victim went through?
I always wonder, what it takes for people like these to perform such eeky murders...cutting up especially. Don't their hearts feel any sense of fear or guilt while doing it? Is anger and the urge of revenge so powerful? Does suspicion acts as a catalyst to murders? Where do they get such courage to cut up body parts?
I really felt for the woman who was murdered. She was young, probably filled with dreams and an urge to conquer them, find her perfect love and live through happiness... Only to get murdered by her supervisor and if they were in love, only to get murdered by her love...gosh. And what the hell were her family and relatives thinking when they didnt want to come here to see her off and perform the last rituals?!?
I think there should be other forms of capital punishment in Singapore, to teach the criminal a lesson and to also scare potential murderers away... The Law could be harsher than just hanging the person right?
Although the law may have its limitations, God has His ways to punishing notti people like that... ;-) But I still feel so much for that poor woman...scho poor thing...
I'm learning to look away
I'm learning to grow from the past
With the strength that it has given me
I know, one day, I'll smile again...
Give me your hand
And let's fall in love
Walk away and never return
Prove to me!
That Forevers still exist...
-ME!-
__________-HER-__________
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Sunday, July 03, 2005
|| || 1:31 pm ||
Feel the fear and do it anyway. --- Zhexian
__________~*~SpRiNg * tAmZ~*~__________
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"Some
people plant in the spring,
And
leave in the summer.
If
you're signed up for a season, see it through.
You
don't have to stay forever,
but at
least stay until you see it through."
~
Jim Rohn
From Priya's entry dated 6 November 2005- suits us
perfectly.
!SPRING!
!AUTUMN!
!WINTER!
Azizah
Edleweiss
Haider
Hana
Hazelyn
Izad
Jessica
Kabetha
Latha
Lavan
Naresh
Sashi
Shelby
Soffie
Tania
Teddy
Vithya
Yi Qian
Blogger
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