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Friday, July 29, 2005
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ME....
I've been having some dreams about my father lately, actually one for every night. And in all, my Dad expresses that he isnt dead or that he is not aware of his death. In short, he thinks that he is still alive and that the rest of us are neglecting him.
*sigh*
But somehow the dreams aid me to carry on with my life. I do feel his presence or rather I claim that he is present. Perhaps that is my way of coping with such a loss.
I guess I choose to see my Dad everywhere... in the photographs, his clothes, his writings, his books, his pillows and etc... In that way, I feel like he is still around or something... And I get to see him every single night or so in my dreams, so I'm considered pretty lucky.
I don't cry as often as I used to or as much as I thought I would. I don't cry. And I always thought that tears symbolizes me but not anymore.
Neither do I smile as often as I used to or as much as I thought I would. I can't. But I can pretend.
*smileZ*
I think I finally learnt to pick myself up and walk on. Really. I hate myself for all the things that I put myself through and yea, its time for me to move on. I guess bitter sweet memories will stay with me, they become part of me... but there is so much that I've been through in the past, have grown from it and moved on... so I should be able to do this again. After all, this is going to happen a number of times in my life again...so yea.
It's sad but the reality is at the end of it all, you stand alone. I mean you can have a loved one or a best friend, but its for you to walk on... no matter what you stand alone...me, myself and I
I lost my belief in certain things. I have regained my belief in some things I have lost before. All those things that I am not going to say here or to anyone...
I feel like I am somehow a changed person. I mean I may not look changed on first glance but yea different. Refreshed? Renewed? Relieved? I don't know what is the perfect word.... but yea, different.
August is just around the corner...August itself holds some memories...5th is my mummy's bday... 8th, 9th, 15th, 21st.... hmmmm August. I hate the fact that I can remember dates so well. I cant seem to forget dates and with that the day's events will come flooding in my mind... haha.
as each minute passes
I'm flying
further and further away from you
willingly - the way it should be
dont seek me anymore
let me fly, please
the further my distance
the more I miss you
but let it be, let it be
__________-HER-__________
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"Some
people plant in the spring,
And
leave in the summer.
If
you're signed up for a season, see it through.
You
don't have to stay forever,
but at
least stay until you see it through."
~
Jim Rohn
From Priya's entry dated 6 November 2005- suits us
perfectly.
!SPRING!
!AUTUMN!
!WINTER!
Azizah
Edleweiss
Haider
Hana
Hazelyn
Izad
Jessica
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