I'm seeing someone new
Somehow who has been eyeing me all along
But I didn't give him a chance
Cuz I didn't wanted to feel like as though
I am committing adultery or anything of such
It's not that I love him or I need him
I don't even want him but he is always there
After the death of the past relationship
I can grow out of it and still begin to love
If only it was that easy
But looking into the eyes of my only daughter
I can't introduce him as her new father
And neither would she able to accept him
Not when she is twenty four years old
And I am fifty two with a thirty five year old man
I have not fall in love with him
But I am seeking for his support
And his eternity of promises
Maybe sooner or later I would grow to love him
By then even my daughter wouldn't care
For she may have found her own as well
And her mother I would not be required...


I - Cold Blooded Beast

I'm a fucking cold blooded woman beast,
Who plants red words into every single person.
I hate! to look into the eyes of madly in love lovers
That sparkle and dance under the moonlight
I paint my soul with mysteries again
Hiding myself into the world You cannot see...
Drawing fucked up abstracts beyond the boundaries
I am still smiling but You are missing the twinkles
You wont ever see yet I am doing good
I wonder how and why for I have turned into
This cold blooded animal You have never known
I love hate that word You used to describe me
I am now a disgrace to the beauty You drew me with!
Stripped off all the goodness You once thought I was
I have changed to this cold blooded beast!
I see myself walking through a thousand miles
Without You by my side, but just fucking traces of tears
I'm emerging stronger with each fuck in my life!
But for now I am feeling drained!
I don't want to be loved
And neither do I want anyone to pick me up!
Let me dwell on my fucked up emotions awhile!
And yes I am strong enough to get up on my feet again!
I hate to depend on someone or something!
I have been taught to clean my own shit since I was young!
There is nothing left for me to even give You, the love...
Drained off all the love, care and concern I once had
Ripped apart by the many demandings of several voices
I stand naked with nothing else to offer including to You!
And no I can't give myself to You, I shouldn't be...
For a cold blooded beast often gives nothing and takes it all
The lonliness that doesn't feel scary that I am yearning
Some space of just me, myself and I
Slitted into memories of the past of You and me, I failed
To look into them for their bullets shot into my heart
And the bleeding no longer brings delight
I stare blankly at the clear blue sky nowadays,
Where You and I made our promise of forever...
Hoping that I was never turned into this cold blooded beast
I stare at my reflection, bringing disgust into my mind
No my life isn't that fucked up and neither am I miserable!
With insanity wrapping my body up in close proximity
I'm fucking surprise that I am not losing myself
Oh! I don't even know where the hell Joy is?!
Look, I am not broken into pieces!
And neither am I craving for any attention!
I'm just turning cold, into a cold blooded beast!
Neglecting the face of earth
And drowning into whom I have become -
This fucked up cold blooded woman
I'm still walking with head held high up
With smiles creased to my face
My hair nicely done with some touch of make up
Perfectly groomed fingernails and a tinge of
Brightly coloured toenails that shine
And a matching set of accessories with my new clothes
As I walk down Peck Seah Street with music roaring
Displaying smiles to complete strangers
Hopefully at least making their day
Heading to my office for a full 8.30am to 5pm job everyday
Is currently, besides God and my Seasons,
The only thing that is helping me survive!
The times when I am without these I am dead yet alive,
Drowning yet floating!
And at all times, the coldness of myself
Strengthens my once weakened heart
Let me be, let me just be this fucking cold blooded beast!!