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Friday, October 28, 2005
|| || 12:03 pm ||
Where Am I?
There were times when I could just simply look into your eyes
And the words of my soul can be read by your twinkling shines
The tone of my voice could draw the emotions I felt
And to your ears you were able to separate my joys in truth
That I falsely painted with snippets of giggles
Those times where I suddenly need not feel any anxiety
You took them all away with a single touch, a single hug, a single kiss
But now, I cant express myself
I cant open my soul to you, like there is some kind of emptiness somewhere
Or rather like I am locked, burning within the walls of hell
I have become unexpressable, suppressed in the torture of my own
My previous self created world is forming again
The colours fading, my rainbows destroyed by the dark clouds
The way the raindrops fall pricking into my skin as tears fall
An enclosure of pain that you can no longer kiss away
That I am causing myself to drown in, like there is no halt
No hinderance, nothing to break me free from this
I'm falling back down to where I picked myself from the other time
I learnt to hate to hide but now I still hate but yet I hide
I don't see her again in the mirror, stolen and ripped apart
Feeling so much inside, I'm overwhelmed, a war in my head
Blood blood blood - the sudden desire of its scent
Oh no! Oh no! I blind right into the circles of self-hatred
Deafened within the silent screams of my inner being
Vacuumed into the virulent world of nothingness
The words I speak and write rhyme perfectly into an elegy
All these complications that allow me to escape not
I'm scared of that girl staring straight back at me, of her smile, of her confidence
Who is she who takes me over in the strangest of times?
And who am I who write these poetries of melancholy?
A melange of me - I still have not discovered
Somebody from somewhere please save me...
I don't know where I am leading myself to...
I am losing me...
__________-HER-__________
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Wednesday, October 26, 2005
|| || 12:30 pm ||
Where Are You?
I wonder if he has reached home
Where everyone sadly roams
Where his parents await
For the time to state
Their meeting place
Just them face to face
Several hugs and kisses
Wishes and misses
I think
My mind's link
A reunion dinner for all
As the autumn leaves fall
Some perfect music playing
As he sits wondering
About the lonliness
His baby girl's sadness
I write
Tears hide
A ticket to buy
For an eternity ride
Time casting away
Shadows don't stay
Memories sadly fade
Yesterdays arent forever made
If only, I wish
From here, I could reach
What she once knew
Right now, remain too few
Only those that bring tears
And the constant haunting hears
In paradise he's found
Yet restrictions bound
He - stolen beautifully
Helplessly
I wished I could share this part of my life with you... I thought you would be still around... You are, but not in my presence... You wouldn't know how much I needed/still need you... Yet you wouldn't know... No, like always, I wouldn't say...
Where are you?
__________-HER-__________
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Saturday, October 22, 2005
|| || 11:10 pm ||
i can't have a rich boy becoz others will say i am after his money.
i can't have a good-looking boy becoz others will say that i just want him to show off.
i can't have a nice boy becoz others will say that i am trying to take advantage of him.
i can't have a smart boy becoz others will say i am making use of him.
i can't have a boy who loves me so very much becoz others will say that i am taking him for granted.
I CAN have a rich, good-looking, nice and smart boy who loves me so very much because I DON'T CARE what Others say.
__________~*~SpRiNg * tAmZ~*~__________
||
Saturday, October 15, 2005
|| || 8:36 pm ||
Five meetings and a date.
Nerves... they were playing their game. Influencing my mind... teasing my heart.
I was smiling to myself and I couldn't stop.
Nothing seems to be going our way. Right from the start. I mean first date... friday night... town. What could be more wrong? It was so wrong in a weird that it's quite amusing.
He was late... I don't blame him. He had to send grandma to the hospital.
He waited for me at the entrance of Wisma Atria... ha... there is not just one entrance to Wisma Atria and I think we tried almost every one of them without meeting. Okay... so we decided to just meet at the Takashimaya fountain. He waited at the fountain outside and I looked around the fountain inside. Where are you? We were never meant to meet were we? But a little hide and seek is fun...
And then we finally meet... like a scene out of a #8 drama. I was on the phone with yaya and he was with his headphones. He looked different... he looked good. That colour combi... I like... on a guy at least. (not telling you what it is)
He greeted me and apologised in his american accented english. That accent I don't quite like but I am getting used to it. Then came all the usual questions with all the usual answers. It started out pretty slow.
The date was a typical dinner-movies-coffee one. To be that prim & proper lady at the dinner table, to be the lady watching a movie quietly, to be that lady you can have a serious conversation with over coffee. Is that me? Haha... not at all... nope nope... not me. If that's what you're looking for... you've got the wrong girl.
I am not even close to being lady-like... but I would still very much appreciate it if I could be treated like a lady.
He? Was far from being a gentleman. Okok... he isn't that bad la. No opening of doors... no letting the lady have the seat inside. That's enough. The most basic things that I look out for. But those aren't Must-Haves.
I was not myself. I didn't feel comfortable.
What made me feel better? His bad eating habits. Haha... yup... worst than mine... and that's kind of a plus for me. Weird but true. If i can't be prim and proper then you better be as untidy as me. haha...
As we were walking across the street to catch the movie, I asked him which season was his favourite... considering he has experienced all four when he was studying in America. He said Summer and Autumn. Winter and Spring was too cold for him. I was told that it even snowed in Spring and it isn't like all blooming and chirpy in Spring like everybody perceives it to be. Hmmz... the season fits me just so perfectly... don't you think?
First row... the screen was bobbing up and down in the beginning but it got better. My back hurt. The right company is all that matters I guess.
The movie was slow but nice... quite sweet but... hell reminded me of work! We went to watch April Snow... that Korean movie. This guy and this girl met at the police station or was it the hospital? Anyway, they met because both their spouses were involved in a car accident together. Their spouses were having an affair and they found out from their respective spouse's handphone messages. Then guess what? THEY end up having an affair too while their spouses were in a coma and lying in hospital. The guy eventually passed away and the lady woke up from her coma. So lame but I won't be surprised if such things happens in real-life too... I mean some of the cases I get at LAB are even more drama... so... argh.
At one point in the movie, the guy asked the lady what her favourite season is. Sounds familiar? She said Spring and he said Winter.
I like the ending though... the guy was driving down a snowy road with a lady. Which lady? His wife or the Other woman? Nobody knows for sure... they didn't show. But oh c'mon everybody knows guys will always go for the Other woman.
Things got better after the movie for some reason. We were talking more... or at least I was talking more. So I guess the movie wasn't such a bad idea after all.
Opposites. Complement? Too soon to tell.
Next... we will be heading to the ZOO!!!
I'll see you... Monday... same place... same time.
__________~*~SpRiNg * tAmZ~*~__________
||
Saturday, October 08, 2005
|| || 12:02 pm ||
I miss my dad...
four months has passed and everything has changed....
__________-HER-__________
|
|
"Some
people plant in the spring,
And
leave in the summer.
If
you're signed up for a season, see it through.
You
don't have to stay forever,
but at
least stay until you see it through."
~
Jim Rohn
From Priya's entry dated 6 November 2005- suits us
perfectly.
!SPRING!
!AUTUMN!
!WINTER!
Azizah
Edleweiss
Haider
Hana
Hazelyn
Izad
Jessica
Kabetha
Latha
Lavan
Naresh
Sashi
Shelby
Soffie
Tania
Teddy
Vithya
Yi Qian
Blogger
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Forgettheflowers
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