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Wednesday, January 25, 2006
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Dance With My Father Again
by Luther Vandross
Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream
Jasmine, thanks for introducing this song to me. There are no words to express how much this song means to me during this period of grief...
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The last goodnight I remembered whispering
The last glance I remembered taking
While he was wrapped under the same blanket
That I am currently using
From his neck to his feet, with his toes peeping outside at me
I saw him peacefully sleeping and the peace that surrounded him
Barricaded my intuition to say the usual 'bye' I always told him
If only I knew it would be the final goodbye - I never got the chance to say
The last thing we spoke the night before
Was about a new shampoo brand that he wanted to buy for me
And I told him that it was not necessary and it was okay
'I'm quite okay with this one I'm using now' - I said
I remembered he walked out of the room
And as he walked off he told me 'Sleep early ok?'
I nodded and he shut the door - the last time I saw him alive
I saw how she was crying all alone outside the A&E Department
I didn't go near her but I have already started crying
I remembered praying and telling God to keep him alive till I come
I remembered! I prayed! With tears for almost 2 hours!
It wasn't enough to keep him alive - she said
I screamed. I wailed. I hit myself.
With several pairs of eyes staring at me
Hoping that they don't receive such news from their doctor
I didn't wanted to be hugged
I didn't wanted to hear anything
I sat on the floor, right opposite the ambulance that last carried him
I cried. I yelled. Like I have never done before.
My heart died.
Another dead body. In Room 21.
Another set of family. Crying.
Our relations unknown - yet death binding our hearts
In Room 22 - he laid
His eyes half opened - I laid my hands on his face
Then chill of his body, ran down my spine - a sudden fear
Reality pricked into my fragile heart
My hands brushed his face, attempting to shut his half-closed eyes
As tears fell - I whispered 'I love you but isnt it too late?'
'I never saw you today. I never got the chance to.
I'm sorry, Daddy'
I turned around and saw my Mother's tearing eyes
I composed myself and became a pillar of strength
Till today, I am...
But I've suppressed too much, I'm weakening...
I'm losing me...
Now with some further changes in my life,
How am I suppose to still stand tall?
Will I be able to strengthen myself in the day,
With my soul falling apart each night like these?
I'm really afraid...
__________-HER-__________
